Interview Questions

I interviewed Mrs.Fealy who is the counselor at Knights Academy. We have had many conversations on Toxic Relationships and that is why i decided to interview her. I asked her ten questions.

1) What are the major signs of a toxic relationship?

A: Abuse- verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and control.

2) who would you refer victims to?

A: depending on the situation. Rivers of Hope, Victims Advocate, MN Sexual Assault Center, or therapy.

3) How would you prevent a toxic relationship from occuring?

A: encourage and empower the person to make changes for the better. Work on educating them on what healthy relationships look like and how they want to see their future relationships.

4) Where do toxic relationships evolve from?

A: Sometimes it is past history of not knowing any different. sometimes you get in and dont know how to get out.

5) what do you think are the most dangerous aspects of toxic relationships?

A: abuse- all types

6) Who do you contact for help if you are in a toxic relationship?

A: school- social worker, teacher, counselor

home- parents or other family members

community law enforcement

7) What does a toxic relationship look like?

A: controlling. possible abuse- verbal, physical, emotional, sexual.

8) What is your definition of a toxic relationship?

A: I always think of the control piece- if someone is attempting to control some one else's thoughts, actions, beliefs etc. It is Toxic !

9) What does a healthy relationship look like?

A: fun loving caring equal partners helpful similar interests trust communication enjoy spending time together and apart have people in your life outside of your relationship.

10) How do you let go of a toxic relationship?

A: tough question! Get out- seek help build confidence and get out. Stay out- stay out of the situation dont go back no matter how much they say they. They try to persuade you back. It is not very often where toxic/abusive relationships can turn around fully.

seek assistance- get help to help you though the grief process- grieving the relationship.

Toxicity!

            Dysfunctional relationships occur when arguments, sadness, and lack of trust in one another is more common than healthy components such as being each others best friend, having loyalty, and being compassionate with one another. Yet, toxic relationships while similar have their own unique characteristics. Toxic relationships happen when one person in the relationship tries making constant demands, tearing you down, and trying to be superior over you. Most are involving physical, mental, financial, and even isolation problems. All relationships can be hard to maintain, but toxic relationships can become unbearable. Often times the questions surrounding the toxic relationship are: How can you not see it? How can you not identify the most obvious and heartbreaking signs? Maybe it is because they aren’t always that obvious. Sometimes the victim becomes so accustomed to the way they are treated that they become numb to the effects. When the victim does say something about it most abusers accuse the victim of blowing it out of proportion because they can’t accept the responsibility of their actions. That is because they have a personality disorder; making the types of people in relationships even more diverse. It can be very difficult to identify the signs because there are so many different categories within relationships and types of people within those relationships. Almost every relationship starts out with intimate connections with someone considered special. Some are lucky and achieve their wish; to find their prince or princess and share each others happiness. Others get caught up in a horrible downward spiral of nearly the complete opposite.

Support Systems!

Everyone needs a support system. No matter if your relationship is positive or negative. support systems are what keep people sane. Without them everyone would go crazy because they cant talk about their problems. No matter if they are younger, older, friend, or family. anyone can support you in many ways. You can get legal support if the abuse gets out of control and physical. You can have the ones that you go to just to vent. The ones you need to get help and advice from, and then the ones that need to do something about it because you cant. there are even hotlines that you can call to just talk or get help without people in your life knowing.

Mean

Taylor Swift has a song and it kind of relates to how some girls/ boys feel when they are in an abusive relationship. some have to good mindset that they are going to be able to leave and others dont. this video is showing the good mind set, if you havent experienced abuse this kind of shows some emotions victims have.

Mean
By Taylor Swift

Respect

Everyone needs to be respected. In toxic relationships respect is one of the main things not there that should be. if you are starting to be treated with disrespect , leave! dont stay in the relationship and think that your going to able to solve it and change it. chances are you wont be able too. Easy ways to give and get respect is by acting and living by the good old golden rule. treat others how you would like to be treated!

Change

I havent really had anything on Interventions yet so I'll touch base a little bit on it and how they dont always help the situation.
One thing that people think is that they can better others. No one will change just from someone telling them too. The only time someone will change or stop doing something wrong is when THEY want to change themselves. That is why interventions dont always work because just because everyone around you is telling you it isnt right doesnt mean that they think that way. Most users have a different mind set then the sober ones around them and that blocks out reality sometimes. Never think that you can CHANGE and addict. You can AFFECT them but no one besides the addict themselves can CHANGE them.

There is a show called Intervention on A&E.

They go through a lot of different kinds of families and interventions.

If you dont know what it is all about, catch an episode coming up soon!

http://bcove.me/6capi493

this is a preview to an episode and what it is all about.

Abusive Relationships

Get Happier in 28 Days !

Did you know that 50% of your happiness is in your control? 10% occurs from circumstances around you? and the other 40% comes from your families genetics? No matter where your unhappiness is coming from you can get yourself a heck of a lot happier in just 28 days according to an article I found called called Get Happier in 28 Days from the Dr. Oz Show!

You do this in a four week time frame...
Week One: Keep a Daily Diary.
You see self awareness and think more critically about your daily reactions and emotions.
Week Two: Fake it Till You Make It.
Keep putting a smile on your face no matter the emotions your feeling. Try to increase the instances your run into with a smile on your face rather than the much stronger emotions, the negative ones.
Week Three: Create a Diversion.
Escape from drowning yourself in negative emotions.  If you are alone turn on your favorite song and jam out to it and if your in a group of people focus on the conversation your in rather than what is going on in your own mind.
Week Four: Random Acts of Kindness.
Send out a thank you letter that you have been planning to write for a long time. Mow a neighbors yard, pay someone money you owed then, or even send good fortunes to anyone you see. This will give you a positive feeling about yourself and a self-esteem boost to others around you, just by you being kind to them.

** i got these tips from the article i stated above.

Something to Realize...

Your confidence and self esteem may be altered by their words and abuse put towards you. Sometimes the one being controlled start doubting themselves as people and who they really are just by the hurtful words that they are getting told they are. They feel like they aren’t worth being on earth. Their next relationships are always damaged because there is no trust.

toxic relationship video coming soon!

I am making a personalized video on my chosen topic. My idea on the video would be to make a video interviewing teens and adults on their relationships. Showing good and bad relationships. Asking them questions on their relationship currently or past relationships. Also, talking and showing signs that the relationship is toxic without them knowing that it is toxic exactly. Hopefully you will all enjoy what the video brings! and please leave your views on if this is a good video idea :) input would be appreciated !

the video will be posted by the 13th of April.

tips on how to let go and get away of past relationships

1. remind yourself that you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it.
2. identify what the experience taught you- help you develop a sense of closure
3. write everything in a letter- you dont have to give it but it will help clarify your feelings and then see the reality of it.
4. remember the good and the bad.
5. un-romanticize the way you view love- your going to be sad and hurt when it ends but as long as you think that you can find another love thats amazing it will be easier.
6. create a space that reflects the present not the past- take down all the pictures of him/her, delete saved texts and emails.
7. reward yourself- once you get rid of the things that remind you of them, bring yourself out or go buy yourself something to reward your decision.
8. hang this statement somewhere you will see it everyday- Letting go is love, holding on is attachment.
9. replace your emotional thoughts with facts- resist the feelings of "ill never feel of find love again" to something you accomplished today.
10. let go of all the stress
11. cry it out- it will help your negative feelings release.





i found these tips on an article called 40 ways to let go and feel less pain by Lori Deschene

Emotional Vampires

This video is starring Margie Warrell, she is a life coach and a best selling author. This video is about how to get rid of and beat away emotional vampires, people who suck all the energy out of you. Showing you that you can cut them out of your life and be yourself without getting your energy ripped from underneath you. Always remember to keep a positive look on life and dont let anyone tell you different about life or yourself.

Take Time For Your Life and Yourself

If your questioning whether or not your relationship is emontionally draining you or if your stuck in the "am I in a toxic relationship...?" Take this quiz and you will soon know. Choose the person wisely, dont second guess yourself, and answer fast and honestly.


1. Write down the name of a person in your life.
2. Am I able to be myself with this person? Do I feel accepted by him/her?
3. Is this person critical or judgmental of me?
4. Does the relationship provide an even give-and-take exchange of energy?
5. Do I feel upbeat and energized when I'm around this person, or depleted and drained?
6. Does this person share my values? My level of integrity?
7. Is this person committed to our relationship?
8. Can this person celebrate my success?
9. Do I feel good about myself when I'm with this person?


 if after you take the quiz you want to know how to comfront that person because you want to better the relationship these three steps are ways to help you respectfully announce it. It tends to make it a conversation rather than an automatic arguement. Your goal doesnt have to be to save the relationship and just by saying these words doesnt mean everything is going to go away... it takes time!

Step One: Set the stage."In an effort to honor our relationship, I need to tell you the truth..."
Step Two: Follow up with how you feel."When you _______ it makes me feel ______..."
Step Three: Then ask your family member or friend."Are you willing to stop doing that?"

From Cheryl Richardson's book Take Time for Your Life

Barriers In Toxic Relationships

 Relationship abuse doesnt always start with physical and sexual abuse. Most of the time the relationship goes smoothly and then things start appearing more and more. Once the abusers feels you are comfortable with them and that your not going to leave the abuse starts. Most commonly it is mental abuse including name calling and so on. After they realize that you havent left them yet and your putting up with the emotional abuse, their true colors start to come out. Never tell yourself never. If you feel you might be in an abusive relationship, you probably are. Many victims are always questioning themselves on whether or not their are in an abusive relationship or not. Love in any real and legit relationship has love, respect, and trust. It doesnt have overwhelming jealousy and controlling thoughts. For example if your partner gets mad that you have a best friend of the opposite sex that you talk to and were close with before they were even in your life and then they all of a sudden make you close them off. Once you see that your partner is all your life consists of, thats the last chance you have to get out. Many victims families say how their son/daughter changed who they were and wouldnt tell information on their relationship and said it was "personal". Even people who seem like their lives are perfect can get caught up in toxic relationships. Watch out, and stay away from them, and always remember if you ponder the thought of being in a poor relationship... your probably in one.

danger signs that YOU are in a toxic relationship

• you are put you down verbally (in private or in front of others)
• they isolate you from your other relationships
• your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments or words dont matter to them
• your self identity is lost
•  you have became overly dependent on them
•  have no clue about how to survive without them
•  escape from telling the truth at times for fear of upsetting them
• they spy on you/ watch your every move
• your partner is over dominating
• they leaving no space for your preference.
• you feel afraid or unsafe being with them 
• they puts the blame on you for the relationship
•  expecting you to change the relationship and to make things work.
• your self-esteem is on an all time low from them making you feel unattractive  
• they are overly possessive
• they are over powering

Welcome Everyone :)

Just wanted to welcome all of you to my blog page. I am hoping that you will all learn and take something away from my topic. It is something I have dealt with before making me passionate about the subject. I am going to specifically discuss compulsive liars, how to spot and stop the abusers, how to leave and say no, and lying with chemically dependant people and the toxic parts of relationships with them. Hope you find interest as well :)